So many reviews, so many opinions. I'll just say this: VICIOUS MERMAIDS!
That's it. That's all you need to know. Vicious mermaids are apparently the thing now. AND, they seduce men, then rip them apart with their vampire teeth!
See. I think the script writers know how popular vampires are. They must have brainstormed for hours, thinking thinking thinking about how to get vampires into this movie.
Then, when they realized that vampires are completely laughable, they invented vampire mermaids! That must be what happened. And we all know that vampire mermaids aren't laughable at ALL! No. Vampire mermaids are REAL!
And the scene where the men are in the long boat, out in the ocean, and the mermaids come to them, I kept saying to myself, Yes, yes. Pull the pirates into the water. They NEED a bath!
Oh boy howdy, did they need a bath. I think that every time I see a Pirates of the Caribbean movie. That stringy hair. And their stained, filthy teeth! So those mermaids are kissing on those pirates and I'm thinking Ewwwww.
'Nuff said. I still had great fun. Johnny Depp is marvelous again as Captain Jack Sparrow. What a great character! And Penelope Cruz looks good enough to catch a few glances. She's 37, but her skin sticks to her bones well, and her "girls" don't sag, so I think most men will find her exciting to look at.
That's it. And, no, I wasn't drunk when I wrote this piece. I was inspired. :D
Take a look at this fun trailer for the movie. It's called LITERAL for a reason. Made me smile.
Source Articles: The Guardian UK, review; Reel Movie News, review; Reel Movie News, quotes